A MARRIAGE MADE IN HEAVEN
† My husband, Ricky, and I have held hands as man and wife for over thirty years. We have two grown sons, and some very adorable grandchildren. I can tell you from experience, the roller coaster ride of married life feels long and winding at times, while breathlessly fast at others. At the very least, it’s an adventure!
No conquest occurs without secret doubts or hard lessons learned. My relationship with my husband is no exception. If you and I were sharing a cup and a chat, these are some of the marriage lessons I’d share:
One Minute Intervals™: 60 Second Tips & Inspirations to Make a Happier Marriage
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NO, you did not marry the wrong person! Love is a verb which requires action, not a warm and fuzzy noun that just happens to you. Choose to love your mate by looking for good things to appreciate. Focus on whatever is pure, lovely, true, and admirable. NEVER make divorce an option!
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We don’t make each other happy. As a matter of fact, we don’t make each other anything. Marital love is a life-long commitment of unconditional love, given to an imperfect person–flawed like us. Like iron sharpens iron, so one spouse sharpens the other.
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Refuse to let anything or anyone come between you.
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Don’t try to turn your mate into someone they are not. It’s not your job to change them—some things are best left to their Creator. Besides how would you feel if someone constantly made you feel not good enough? When we accept each other as creatures made in God’s image, with differing personalities, histories, and perspectives, we can stop trying to change our mates into someone they were not born to be.
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Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye, but it’s okay to agree to disagree. It’s often better to sacrifice being right, for the greater good of peace. If you feel it, express yourself honestly. But choose your timing well, and keep a calm, respectful tone. One sure way to not be heard is to approach a problem like a screaming banshee.
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Listen, and really hear, twice as much as you speak.
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A marriage made in heaven never includes put downs or digs. Each spouse focuses on the best of each other and does NOT talk negatively behind each other’s backs.
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Face-to-face, use phrases like, “I appreciate you, I respect you, and I’m grateful for you,” more often than pointing out all your spouse’s flaws and telling them the many reasons they make you mad.
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What kind of person would you like to come home to each day? Are you that person for your spouse? Smile, show appreciation and greet them with interest about their day. Be positive. Choose not to chronically complain or correct. Strive to be the kind of person you’d like to be around—consistently.
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Become intentional about scheduling moments you can look forward to.
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A great marriage does not look to unhealthy or unreal “outside influences” such as romance novels or pornography for a happier home life. They stop attempts at living up to unattainable fantasy–they explore the joy of genuine sexual pleasure as originally designed.
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Ask your mate to come out and play! When was the last time you simply had fun together? Laughter is a good medicine, and a sick marriage often needs a healthy dose. Be playful and laugh as much as you can. It makes work go faster and life go easier.
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With confession comes mercy, and love covers a multitude of sins. Don’t forget, “You don’t keep secrets–secrets keep you.” Tear down invisible walls built from unspoken guilt or regret. If your spouse braves the wall, and shares something they have been hiding, be gracious. Remember the mercy you want when you are faced with a failure.
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Forgive like Jesus. “70×7!” Some days, you’ll feel like your spouse used up all their markers in that one 24-hour period, but love is an action verb. This means you keep making forgiving decisions over and over, especially when you don’t feel like it. (And remember, those tables turn. We often need forgiveness, too.
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Review often, what made you fall in love in the first place.
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In marriage, as in business and life, it is equally true, “It is never too late for a fresh start with fresh faith!”
Copyright 2016, Anita Agers-Brooks
